Monday, November 12, 2007


Roja and Bombay, things that launched AR Rehman were released around time wen i was reaching a significant 13, I think Rehman's music was the only good thing around, then. almost all friends had the music but didn't have it at home, made it all the more coveted



Drums start the ball
dancers dancing-best of all

the king watches, and the guards
from the stage, they participate

Dancers dance on the singer's voice
singers sings along the rules, not made out of choice
they seem to dances to tunes, but the semblece is contrived
the onlooker watches the rhyme, the synchrony of dancer's movement with the music

to segment and separate the dance from the music
is to acknowledge each as whole

to separate the voice from the rhyme
and rhythm from body

...to observe in a special way...the constituents that form the whole, the form, the whole, to perform by just looking, to be not just a dancer among many of the troop but the king who sees troops pass by

to participate as the last performer

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Howz your day

it is chooti Diwali

think i could get some mombatti and light my small balcony of my single hostel room

Just changed the setting of my room yesterday, the study table lay side by side to the wall. now lying vertically across the room reaching out to the bed, adjusted to maximise light on the table and to make books lying all over the room and the bed within an arm's reach ... books and not scripts-thankfully

completed my script for 'SG' got late by 20 days, will get paid, (had hardly expected to get paid) have run out of money completely, after lending 3k to friend who settled in Delhi this month, she had to buy food, more imp. than my bills. some money to another one who had to choose between paying for transport (taxi) to interview and a week's food expense...my laptop battery is defunct after i didn't switch it off for 4 days working on the 'SG' script, (fees phone bill...my expenses more than I all have put together :))) will cost me 4k they say. this book saves me, there is another script for which payment should come too....'Rural Women in India' brother is driving down 250 miles to home for Diwali, asked me if i'll come, had 20 rs. in my purse could hv not reached his place in Gurgaon, didn't ask him for money...bloody Strong in my veins. the same evening friend came 4k without asking, bloody lucky too:)

book: reading some seminar papers Chomsky and other scholars

this morning got up, got out early, took a rickshaw to deposit the phone bill at a vodafone shop, there a three vodafone shops within'g a stone; throw in Kamalnagar malkaganj junction, Vodafone red boards everyhwere else too...bloody marketn

was walking down, pencil I use to hold my bun broke and it was loose, wearing jeans i slept in last night and the same uncrumpled shirt i walk miles around, morning walk walk shakti nagar red light, around Knags, maurice nagar, towards Patel Chowk towards hostel, this guy from McGraw Hill, ex-officemate, stopped his car, Hi!!! made his day to see, I obliged him by taking lift and asked how his kids are, unfortunately he is teaching them these days:))

a drop of a very strong anti bacterial fell on my little finger, burned it and saw how quickly my skin corroded and the corrosion spread and burninng the skin sreading to the other finger, ran from my bath and reached room, what to do, too late by the time I'll reach doc. finger will burn by then, applied, closest at hand, aloe vera gel i keep with me. itching sunsided for a while, skin stopped melting, the corrosion froze in the areaand stoppd spreading. I went on with the bath (went trough the corridor wrapped in clothes to reach the bathrooms, convenience of all girls hostel;) and couldn't keep from wetting ym hands, wiped fingers and the gel alongwith it, itching subsides even more, applied the gel again, and wipe, better still, skin better too

My thoery: skin soaked the drop of anti-bacterial, aloevera dissolved it, but the ab still kept burning the skin, wiping it removed it, applicationand wiping again removed it, 15 minutes later, its fine,I can use my pen write, looks its natural color

Being on the other side

We know about things – good things, bad things

Good things make us happy, we live with them
Bad things make us unhappy, no choice

One side of existence we suffer these things
There is - other side.

We choose/tag experience as ‘pain’... beggers become choosers on this other side, you don’t mind experiences in ignorance, there is no stagnancy, there is movement, no pleasure but yes, progress, wisdom, panya

There is way, long way through darkness to light.
Start traveling when everything is ok, will be too late when death comes!

Sunday, September 09, 2007

What is it?

Is it achievement, health, youth…

No !! … !!!


It is the mindset. It is not things you need, nothing is held for long, it is j u s t the ‘mind’

The control over mind which lets you breathe freely even in an underground prison, it is the frickle mind which makes you desperate even in glass walls of luxury. One has capacity for both, but for one at one point of time…practise makes you retain control for longer, and longer)

and when we talking about breathing freely in an underground prison ain’t we talking about ‘survival skill’ the correct way to breathe? Could be …but in reality we talking about a free mind … a calm mind in a dying body, a calm mind in a young body bursting with energy, a calm mind prevading the senuousness which shrouds it in garb of beauty and a calm mind which stands by as a dear fella vomits when one goes to drop her at the station, a calm mind as it swings over the rods, body in air in controled motion...calm is all tha is left, events pass...and as she sat on the lawns and looked at the treetops covering parts of the orange evening sky...it was all suddenly set on fire ....prakampan hi prakmpan, prajwalit

(Will try to capture the evening sky (on camera) again from our hostel lawns, and post it here if I get it right, its beautiful)

Saturday, August 04, 2007

writ (ten) on 2:00 am 18th April 2007

I saw her form in the mirror
curves, long black hair...
...I was impressed
by what that wasn't me!

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Himachal:

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Meet Reality

It is as if that is what I am witnessing-coming closer to reality, it is like sleeping wihout something cushy under you, on hard ground

It rained, and there was sunshine too. Sky patched with clouds.

Didn't go for a jog today
Had dinner
Had a long talk with nepali friend, nothing is helping me
spent an idle evening with her, idle evening in an endless long time-i could afford that!
Am dying

END of PHASE I

There is a one year prologue for Phase II
You know it is end of phase one when everything personal/professional which could be changed has changed, in terms of perspective. Am grown up, am a woman, life is here with its gamut of family, job, degree blah dancing, time to build the prospects, write, time to build my concrete house, write my set of words, perform my part of duty, do my share of travel, time to play my part before i retire, time to live. THIS is the time when I move on from the being the beliefless, pathless, heedless, convictionless person ...time is right.

I'll need all my cool. Prologue to Phase II is one year long, its going to be a fantastic year and its going to last me a long while. Lot of planned learning, lot of effort will go in laying the solid foundation of transition to Phase II.

For now in Phase two, I get rid of existential dilemma, time to live on concrete facts, time to prepare for the stability, time to accept, time for gearing for comfort and reside in some wisdom. before I lose it all again in Phase III or 3 if u like:)

What will Phase III be like...it will be closer to death, I'd be past my youth by then, or at least past the urgency of youth and will be moving faster then ever towards death, towards truth, bettering my practise, more skilled in practice for the path was carved out in phase I and the first steps taken there...and it is a long way to go, and I'd be found racing in my sturdy vehicle with calm reassurance

Friday, July 20, 2007

Intelligence

We can start with you laughing at me for whatever I am

Good.

:p I am just doing some very unintelligent things
I like it
It seems pleasant

Happiness is intelligence, it lies in doing very unintelligent things. It may not come from making the world’s most advanced software, it may come while doing it ha ha ha

Just returned from college. My teacher pretends to be shocked, why did you think you have flunked…(he knew I had not flunked as I went about telling everybody I had flunked the exams), then I entered hostel office after getting the papers for readmission inn hostel signed by our head of department, he is a large grizzly bear, …gave me 57 out of 75 in internals. He is perhaps the only teacher who corrected my paper honestly, in spite of nil attendance in class. Other teachers went to extent of giving a zero in internal/external…unreasonable marks (16/75) in papers I had honestly and completely solved. I love you guys, for you r u…and me will be me.
Guys I will be able to attend your classes this year since I have been promoted (you will see my face everyday), I have passed minimum papers required to get promoted and this year my freelance work might help me attend classes instead of being in office.

Earlier in the day, I got news from our publisher that they have a 1000 page book to be edited, on Linux. They haven’t made the payment for the last two edited books since they have a 45 day lag period after the receipt of the book. It is company policy. Told ‘em my policy, will take up their book only after they clear my payment, as a rule I won’t take up a new project until my last payment is cleared, personally it makes sense to me to not to keep too many dues in the pipeline-told them that in so many words. Was it harsh? I haven’t received a reply after I left them that mail this morning. Well, they won’t be able to resist me, nobody will bloody edit a 1000 page book in a week’s time with insightful improvements apart from grammatical corrections, with letters to the editor and my trademark global comments handwritten in ink ;)

Unitelligent to stay alone like a fucking fool. Unintelligent to tread fearless in this ugly city…not staying too long with anyone. Had this nepali friend, people started talking about us. The other day I entred the mess for dinner, was wearing my short skirt …my new Nike Air got noticed because of that “Pj is wearing her shoes because they are new…she is not that particular about jogging as she shows herself to be” …I wonder what else do I do with my shoes if not wear ‘em. I do not talk about how when I do/do not jog even when they come to ask me how to lose weight. I once told someone that they need not worry so much, my proportions are genetic…that is the current popular unintelligent theory in our hostel right now for explaining perfect curves!