Growing Old

We shifted in our hostel quarters after I got admission

[I cleaned the room assembled my/our belongings and have been cleaning the room ever since (my roomie finds it difficult to 'stoop' and mop the floor). I had three bags and some cooking utensils and china plates as 'everything I had in this world' (also my ATM card) ...it did not take more than a few hours to shift and assemble everything from my old rented room to the new hostel room] I got up...was still getting used to the new room/setting, stood up from the bed and saw my reflection in the mirror as the dying evening light caressed my skin... it was woman...u know… suddenly the realization dawns

Undercurrent didn't let me stick to the image; it was a beautiful, a very beautiful image. As a kid I never thought 'I' would be molded in those curves ... and then the undercurrent came back ... days passed in reflection.

Months later: I was bending over to tie my shoe lace ... it is natural to grow old, 'tis a fact I would grow old, oh how natural it is to grow old I exploded with joy! my 23 year old self celebrated life not as fountain of youth but as a whole, death as truth bound to happen and me running towards it...

The joy was of truth, it was an understanding of truth not words which brought joy...now when I spot a grey hair, I revert back to being scared of losing the youth which is there, as I age I sometimes want to preserve it, hold it, may be take a picture and post, keep it so that I can see it when I lose my youth, to show off to others...ha ha… I, who has worked for years, wants to do that.

I miss that phenomenal proximity to the truth I felt while bending over to tie my shoe lace...the fact that I shall die, shall grow sick and shall grow old...that there is pain and that it is so true that I don't fear it anymore…
I have seen that the state exists…tirelessly I will work again -to see youth as youth, old as old and both as true and nothing more. I am overwhelmed and am intoxicated …even those are truths- ignorant, shallow, transitory truths … I shall establish myself in deeper more penetrative realization whilst still surrounded by all the tools beauty has to intoxicate, power has to lure

#this was before my birthday, am 24 now and running i.e on the jogging track mmuah mmuah I love the track, I love running, I love the sprint I made yesterday, the jog and the stretch I did today ...